Pat Dryburgh

One of the hardest things to remember is that I’m human. I guess it gets lost in the mix; I’m an employee, I’m a boyfriend, I’m a friend, I’m a musician, I’m a designer. In all of these things, I try to be the best I can. Some things are easier than others, and some things are more frustrating than others, but I still hope to do my best in all of them. And yet, being human, at least in the way Jesus saw how a human should be, is not my forté. I don’t love people, in fact, I’ve had a hard time even liking people, even a little bit. I think all day about the areas I’d like to be better at, ie. environmentally friendly, helpful to those in need, etc. and yet, I don’t do anything to get any better.

I’m starting to feel anxious about music. I know that this is what I want to do, but I’m at a loss as to how to go about it. Here’s the conundrum: in order to play music, you must make money; in order to make money, you must work; in order to work, you must agree to work hours that may prohibit you from playing music. See what I mean? I had a good talk with Sarah last night, and I think that if were to be honest with myself and with you, I would have to say that I would honestly like to do music full-time for the rest of my life. I just have to figure out how I can go about that. I know I love playing with my band, and if that is how it will happen, then I am more than happy. The only thing is, I don’t know if the other guys are all on the same page in those terms. I don’t blame them, they have dreams and asparations they’ve had since they were young too. I just hope that possibly our dreams will line up, and we’ll be able to go full out with this and put as much energy as we can into it, so that it WILL become successful.

Anyways, that’s sort of me without a muzzle. Oh, what do you think of the new design? Tres chaud?

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I just finished cleaning my room today. It’s taken me about a week and a half. I know, that sounds like a long time, but I pretty much re-arranged the whole thing, took 4 big boxes of stuff down to the basement, re-organized, and pretty much just made myself a whole little apartment. I like the idea of rearranging, because it’s not that I’m going out and buying anything new to put in my room, I’m just taking what I have and making it work best to my situation.

I think that’s kind of how it is with us. I mean, I don’t have anything special about me. I don’t have a special talent, or a gift, or anything like that. I just have me. Sometimes I have to rearrange who I am to meet the needs of a situation, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But that’s the beauty of life; we’re given lots of trial-and-error.

I’ve been struggling with grace, again. It’s the one thing that is keeping me from God, I think. That and my stubborness. But, I have a hard time understanding how someone could love me. At all, really. The weird thing is, the reason changes every day. Sometimes I am prideful, feeling that I am above grace; above charity. Other times I feel I’m so far fallen that no cross could pick me back up. I already know the christian answer to this, so please save it.

I am kind of tired of asking questions, but somehow I think that’s all I’ll ever have. I don’t really expect to arrive anywhere in this life anymore. I guess I’m constantly travelling.

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i was told today at work that i don’t smile as much as i used to. maybe because work sucks? hello? would you be happy working for $9/hour putting friggin’ produce on the counter? i think not.

i don’t really know what else to talk about tonight. i had an amazing time with my loverly girlfriend sarah tonight. she is so good to me, and i love her so much. i’m sorry, i’m not trying to brag, but i am the luckiest man in the world. i really don’t deserve this.

my new obsession…it’s funny that i talk about this as if you’re interested. i know for a fact that there are some ebc’ers who intentionally avoid us. have you even heard us? do you even know what we’re about? clearly not.

i’m really excited about what’s happening in our little world right now. we’ve got a new guitarist and are looking to add another. we played in guelph on sunday night at d.fo’s church, and it was grand times. we played a new song and it went over really well, which has encouraged me as our new songs are (i think) much better than the crap we have now.

anyways, i dunno what else to say. so, there….i’m back on top.

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yesterday was eventful, to say the least.

i went to Stoney Creek Baptist church yesterday. I’m starting to like it more and more. Not necessarily the music, or the preaching, but just the overall atmosphere, the openess to it. I feel welcome, even when I dress up in my rockstar get-up (though, the old guy greeter yesterday had a bit of a shocked expression on his face when I came through the door). Sarah played piano again, and she was wonderful. I’m so impressed with her musical abilities. I just wish I told her more.

After church Sarah, her sister, and I went to the college and career’s kick off lunch. It was good times. The people there are very nice, and I actually look forward to being more a part of that (even though, once again, I have neither college nor career).

After this we went back to the K-house, got dressed up, and headed off to the Exodus in Peril/Hello Kelly show. I was under the impression that this was a college and career event for New Hope Community church…however, it most definitely was not. Instead, as we pulled into the drive, our eyes caught sight of several youth and pre-youth, awaiting entry into the concert. However, once things got rolling, a few older people joined in. Exodus in Peril, unfortunately, was stricken with sore-throatitis. However, I was impressed with their new guitarist. I look forward to seeing more with him.

After EiP was Hello Kelly. Honestly, I was not looking forward to seeing/hearing these guys. I had the impression that they were 99.9% hype, and that they were really not as talented as many liked to think. However, once they got started, I saw that my presuppositions were very untrue. I was very impressed with their musical abilities, song writing, stage presence, and everything else. To top it off, the two guys I met, Mike and Francois, were very nice. So, I say to Kelly, kudos to you.

After the show, we went to McDonalds, and then back to Sarah’s. Somewhere along the way, I lost my cell phone. I am still trying to find it, so please pray that things will work out.

Today, I wrote two songs. I may post one later.

I said earlier that I don’t have a career. Well, that was a little misleading. I don’t have a career, but I do now have a part-time job. I am working at purolator as a sorter. Basically, I put boxes on trucks. Sounds exciting, I know. But, it’ll hold me over for a while, until I can find another job. Much thanks goes to my brother, who had a bit of a hand in my acquiring this job. Thanks bro.

Anyways, that’s all for me. Anyone getting tired of these overly-long posts yet?

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So many things are running through my head right now. I have so much on my plate, so many things to juggle. I wish time would just slow down so I could catch up. It’s like there’s two conveyor belts, and I’m on the slow one, reaching across, trying to grab something on the other one so I am at least going the same pace as everyone else.

I’m still trying to find a job. Things with the church in Brampton aren’t going to work out. I’ve decided I’m going to focus on secular work. I don’t want to be tied up in a Christian job anymore. It’s just one more chain tying me to Christianity. I want to be free of all those chains, so that it’s only me holding on. No obligations, no responsibilities, just me and God, holding fast to one another.

I’ve begun to read Donald Miller’s new book. I’m excited, because it’s a book about being on a journey, about moving. I need to move. I’m beginning to grow roots, and I hate that. I need to be going somewhere, but right now there’s no place for me to go.

My relationship with God is sort of plateaued, and not at the top of a mountain. I hate this place, and yet it’s a place I know I need to travel before I can keep going. No, wait…it’s a place I need to wait before I can keep going.

Anyways, I hope everyone’s having a great first week back at school/first week before the beginning of school (depending on your circumstance). Let me know how everyone’s first week is!

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Got back last night from a weekend at Darien Lake. Rode the superman 3 times, which was awesome. Also, the light/fireworks/laser show at night was amazing! I really want to own a krypton-argon laser now.

Finished the last week at camp on Friday. Glad that’s done. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, but 7 weeks is enough for me. Overall the summer was pretty good. There were some issues with the directors and such, but other than that things went well. I learned a lot this summer, about waiting on God (in a real, practical sense), how if we trust God he’ll give us the desires of our hearts, and once again how fun spooning is.

Got a call from the church in Brampton…kinda playing phone tag with them right now. Hopefully we’ll get something worked out. I am really torn by this whole thing, wanting to go to work at an awesome church, and staying so that I can be with my amazing girlfriend. I really don’t want to leave Sarah, again, but as of right now that’s where things are lookin’ to go. Unless I get a call from New Hope Community Church in London sometime soon.

Anyways, that’s all I really want to write today. Take care.

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So, I’m back again, home from another week at camp. It’s weird coming back when no one is home. I’m just here…by myself…no one around…oh well, not the first, nor the last time.

This week was interesting. We had a fantastic speaker who’s been up for the last several years, Jon Halliday. However, the first few sessions, we were having a tough time getting any response from these kids. I know that we’re not supposed to be looking or doing it for a response, however these were kids we’ve known for several years as they’ve grown up at camp, and all of a sudden they had no interest, even from the week before, about what was going on. It was a struggle to lead worship for myself, and a struggle to speak into their lives for PJ.

However, on Tuesday, I approached PJ and told him that I felt that these kids were not thirsty, that they had no desire for God, and therefore obviously weren’t interested in knowing Him more. I told him that we should look up verses in the Bible concerning thirst. The obvious ones (the woman at the well, the beatitude concerning thirst) didn’t really help. However, during a bit of free time, I thought back to the Old Testament, at a time when Israel was still travelling with Moses. They had already been provided water from the rock, as well as manna, and after all this still complained about being thirsty. Moses then asked the Lord for help, and God told him to go to a rock near a mountain and command it to bring forth water. Well, instead of just speaking to the rock, Moses tried to beat the water out of it. While it did provide water, it was not in the way God had intended Moses to pursue the water, and led to God denying Moses the privilege of leading Israel to the promised land.

I realized while reading that verse that all we were to do this week was to speak God’s love into their lives, not try to beat it into them. We couldn’t try to force a response, but rather had to allow God to do it his way.

Later on in the week, I found out that Sarah’s grandfather passed away. Sarah was really close to her grandpa, and it’s been a hard week first seeing him so sick and then finally losing him. If you wouldn’t mind praying for her, that would be awesome.

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Wow, what a weekend! We had a great time playing at London YFC on Friday. The journal for this event will probably not be up until next weekend, but make sure you check the forums to meet and greet with those who were there.

Also, we’ve been added to the Blank Blue Sky tour this August. We’re opening the show on Aug 19 in Guelph, and other dates to join the BBS are in the works. Stay tuned for more details.

Also, please continue praying for the CD. We’ve decided we need to put a deadline on this thing, so we’re aiming for an October 20 release. We’ll be planning a CD release show with some good friends of ours for a Kitchener outing. Details to follow.

Thanks so much for comin’ by. God bless!

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I was working at the strawberry field today. It was a really hot day, but enjoyable. Something very interesting happened though.

As I said, I was working outside. Tomorrow is the London Air Show, and the Snowbirds flying team was bringing their jets into the London Airport which is just around the corner from us. Several jets turned right overhead of where we were, and as they passed, almost all of the pickers in the fields stopped to watch what an amazing spectacle we were witnessing. However, soon after everyone turned back to the task at hand, I witnessed something no one else saw. Just after the plane passed, a bird flew just about 30 feet off the ground and landed on a branch of a tree. Now, you ask “what is so amazing about that? That happens everyday.” And that is exactly my point.

Those jets that humans made to fly around are powerless without someone controlling it. It is large and cannot simply land wherever it desires. It is inanimate. However, this machine that we humans built somehow fascinates us much more than the millions upon millions of birds that we see in the sky. These birds every day go out, find food, fend for their young, and interact in ways we cannot understand.

Obviously, the birds vs. planes scenario I’m talking about isn’t my main point. So many times we see amazing things happen; things that no human can replicate. And yet we never seem to pay much attention to them because they are just ordinary facts of life. But, what happens when this becomes our attitude toward God? The reality is, He hasn’t changed much in the part of eternity that has passed so far. Do we find ourselves simply passing Him over because we hear about Him every day? Do we pass up opportunities to know Him more because something that we have done fascinates us more than He does? I know I am guilty of this more times than I care to admit. Maybe rather than trying to formulate more formulas and steps to know God better, I should just get back to what I should be doing, which is actually getting to know God better.

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In two days I leave for camp. I have a feeling I will be regreting my decision to no longer continue my studies in youth ministry once the summer is up.

I’m trying to figure out what it means to be real. I watched the Shai Awards the other night (the Canadian Christian music awards). There was a group (featuring Manafest) that did a song called “Real.” Basically, it was a whole song going on and on about how they are real, and that other rappers aren’t, and that they are real cos they know Christ. I’m sorry, but if you need a whole song about how real you are, you are obviously not very real. That’s like me writing a whole song about how I can write songs.

So, I’ve been reading Blue Like Jazz again. I borrowed it from Grace (the man) earlier in the year, but had to give it back before I was done as he was leaving. So, I have finally gotten myself a copy. Once again, the chapter on grace (not the man) has brought me to a place where I don’t know where to go next. I see myself in Mr. Miller’s writing. I’ve been the pharisee, I’ve rejected grace because I thought I could do it on my own. I’m trying to see myself as someone who physically needs grace, as in someone who literally cannot make ends meet on their own, and I don’t know how well I’d deal with it. I’m so comfortable with how my life is going; good job, good girl, good friends. I don’t know what I’d do if I were like Job and lost everything. I’d probably turn my back on God, forgetting all the times he’s been so faithful to me.

Anyways, as I said. In two days I leave for camp. Have a good summer.

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