One more day. One more day until I wake up to the smells of eggnog and coffee, the sound of my siblings running through the family room gleaming over the treasures they have found in their stockings, the feeling of anticipation in seeing both what I had received as well as the reactions to what I have to give. 

Actually, this will be the first Christmas where I don’t wake up in my Dorchester home. However the anticipation I feel for this Christmas seems to be stronger than many I have had over the past few years. In fact, it seems to me as though this is the best Christmas I have had in quite a while. 

Seven days before Christmas in 2005, I was in a car accident. More accurately, I was in a collision. Having returned home from college after my final exam, I went into town to spend time with friends. We ended up staying out fairly late, past two in the morning. I had a half hour drive ahead of me and while I felt a bit tired I still believed I could make it home safely. About half way home as I was driving through an intersection I fell asleep at the wheel. Few cars were around at this time of night, so I didn’t hit anyone. I went straight into the ditch and hit a slope, flew about 20 feet through the air, and landed on the front of my mom’s car. It was totalled. I woke up on impact. As soon as the car was stopped and I had somewhat regained composure, I reached for my cell phone to call my parents. I couldn’t find it. I noticed lights behind me and got out of my car. A driver behind me had seen the whole thing and pulled over when he realized I went into the ditch. He gave me his phone to use and I asked my dad to come get me. My mom’s car ended up being totally destroyed; I walked away with a sore back. 

2006 was a hard year for me. I went through a lot of loss, and made some bad decisions about my finances and living arrangements. I had agreed to move into an apartment with a good friend of mine from church even though I wasn’t quite able to afford everything. From September to December, I had to borrow several thousand dollars from my parents. I was broke. I had grown up in a family that had a nice home and nice things. This Christmas I was poor. 

In 2007 on Christmas Eve, the church I worked for held its Christmas Eve service outdoors. I, along with my music team, played for approximately 40 minutes in freezing cold snow and wind. My hands were numb as I played the drums. After the service and tearing things down, I drove 3 hours to get back home to Dorchester for Christmas. The roads were rough. I felt pretty sick the rest of that week. A lot of the work that I was supposed to do that week didn’t get done. I got back to Barrie and was really behind. I basically felt as though there was no way to catch up, and I felt like a failure. 

A year has passed since last Christmas, and I have to say that this year has been on one hand the single hardest year yet, and on the other hand one of the most rewarding years I’ve had. I have a great job, a great family, a great girlfriend, great friends, a new band. It feels in a way that this Christmas is coming too easy; I feel like I don’t deserve it. 

And I don’t deserve it. None of us do. While there’s still a lot of questions in my mind and heart, and while I am unsettled about a lot of things, I still believe that this season marks the coming of a true remedy for the human problem. Even though I screw up. Even though I mess things up for me, my friends, my colleagues, my family and more, I know there is someone who can fix it. It isn’t a simple fix. It isn’t a bandaid. It’s a cure. It needs to work its way slowly, through my head, my heart, my actions, my reactions, my attitudes, my words… 

This is the story of Christmas. That all our failures are forgiven. All our sins are erased. There is no more record of my screw ups. Tomorrow is a new day. This is a new life. 

Merry Christmas to all.

※ Permalink for “A Christmas Soliloquy” published on date_to_rfc822

Last year at this time, I was part of a team that launched Connexus Community Church. As the Associate Director of Music, my role was to lead a team of musicians that provided worship experiences for five different environments. I had been performing the same role when we were at Trinity, however at some point during the transition something changed. My role was becoming less about leading worship and more about leading people who lead worship.

I wasn’t ready for the switch. I was moving from the role of player to coach far too quickly for my comfort. It was a change I hadn’t anticipated (even though I had been warned).

Jordan at Worship Trench posted an email he received from his church’s executive pastor in response to a question about shifting into a more executive role:

Yes. You should start feeling much more like a coach than a player. A coach is watching his players and highlighting when they do things right and how they can develop the areas that still need work. You also begin to think of the “what if” situations and train and prepare for those. Probably the best teaching coach I’ve ever seen was John Wooden. There are a ton of books on his coaching and his development thinking. You may find them fasinating [sic].

It’s not that I don’t want to coach one day. However, I still feel like I’m learning the game, let alone being an all-star player! Now I haven’t played the game in over 8 months. I don’t know if I ever will.

※ Permalink for “Executive” published on date_to_rfc822

I was out for coffee last night with my amazing girlfriend, and we were talking about life and things we’re both passionate about. One of the things I told her that I’ve never really told anyone before is that I never stop thinking. Honestly. All day, everyday, I am thinking about something. I am thinking about how to make the company I work for successful, how to make my own company get started, what ways I can get involved in church, what passage I just read that morning and how it applies to my life, ideas for preaching series (yes, I have about 4-5 ideas if any pastors are looking), things my girlfriend and I can do, the goals and dreams I have for my life and our lives, what the best strategies are for church management and execution, whether or not I should go to school, what I would like to write a book about… and the list goes on and on. 

One of the reasons I shy away from writing in my journal and my blog is because quite honestly, my fear is that I won’t know when or how to stop. Sometimes I am so captured by a thought that I need to explore every possible angle, every path, every choice. Other times it’s a matter of critiquing: what could I have done better? How could that church service been communicated better? How could that design better get across the message it’s trying to convey? 

All this thinking causes me to cease up and not do anything about any of it. 

I rarely watch television, but when I do my girlfriend and my parents both say that I tune right out of everything else going on in the room. I turn myself off. It’s a relief to not have to think anymore. Sara also walked through a new diet plan with me yesterday based on the fact that I spend so much time thinking (apparently I eat too many carbs and no where near enough fat; your brain needs healthy fats to function). So now I’m at a coffee pub eating an egg bagel because I need the fat from the eggs. 

Does anyone else have this? I don’t want to call it a problem, because it feels more like a gift or a skill that when harnessed could really do some amazing things. I just wish I had somewhere to focus it all.

※ Permalink for “Why I Sometimes Don’t Write” published on date_to_rfc822

Several times in my life I have struggled with sleeping. It isn’t a case of insomnia; I’m not entirely sure what the cause is.

The problem has surfaced at different stages of my life. The first time was in college, when I would stay up incredibly late, get a couple hours of sleep before class, and then basically be non-functioning the rest of the day. A few times my friends had to come into my room to wake me from my sleep. I was socially reclusive during this time, having little energy to spend time with my friends.

The issue arose again while working at Trinity Community Church. There were some nights when I didn’t go to sleep for fear of not waking up (weird, I know). It affected my performance at work, and with the help of my leadership and friends, was able to bring everything back under control. I began making sure I built margin into my life (taking Tuesday Sabbaths), and just working discipline into my life. 

It became a problem again when I first came home from Barrie. After a month or so I had everything under control, and for the past several months things have been relatively good. However, the last two weeks have been really tough. The last couple of nights I’ve gotten maybe 5 hours of sleep, which is just not enough. 

So, this is my big ask for today. Would you mind praying for me tonight? Just before you go to bed, if you could offer up a quick prayer that I would be able to get to sleep; that through discipline and peace of mind I’d be able to get the amount of sleep I need. I’d very much appreciate it.

※ Permalink for “Need Sleep” published on date_to_rfc822

This post is a bit misleading. Its purpose is to celebrate my 100th blog post. However, anyone who has known me for a while knows that this is not the first blog I’ve ever had and definitely not the first 100 blog posts I’ve ever written. In fact, my blogging days go back almost 5 years during my time at Emmanuel Bible College (xanga, anyone?).

Yet it seems to me that this part of my journey is starting to close. It started when I left my position as Associate Director of Music at Connexus Community Church. Upon my departure, I closed down the blog I had been keeping, “Journeys of a Rookie Worship Pastor.” I had built a fairly solid readership, had several hundred blog posts, and had participated in some amazing discussions. It was also the first time I really began to see the value of blogging when it comes to networking. However, because of the change in my personal life, I felt I needed to embark on a new direction in my blog-life. 

This decision led to a blog redesign and refocus. My posts started focusing more on design-related items. I posted a few “gallery” style posts that generated a ton of traffic but absolutely no discussion. I tried writing some tutorials, but I had nothing to write that hadn’t already been discussed. I decided that rather than writing about design, I would actually do some design for the blog. I released two WordPress child themes for the Thematic Theme Framework. I realized, though, that while these themes made my blog look spiffy, they did nothing to enhance the content. 

And now here I am again, re-evaluating. I’m at a weird place in my life. I have a strong feeling about what I want to do for a living, but have no idea what the best route to go about it is. I feel like I have so many gifts and ideas that are just waiting to be developed, but see no avenue to properly do so. I have been spending as much time as I can reading and learning, and I want to share those things with others. 

I spent some time this weekend stripping back the layers to this site. I’m hoping to expose more of myself, to engage in authentic dialogue and to encourage you to do the same. This is a new chapter in my life. I’m calling it “Revealed.”

※ Permalink for “Refocus and Reveal” published on date_to_rfc822

I’ve grown up in a fairly well-to-do family. We didn’t live extravagantly, but we were never in great need. My father is a genius when it comes to finances. His mother looked after their family’s finances, using the tested-and-true envelope system. They would walk 5 miles to save a nickel. My father picked up a lot of the lessons my grandmother taught him. He got out of debt quick and was able to retire with my mother at the age of 30 (this was 5 years before they had me, their first child). My father just recently retired again, and is now able to do anything he wants. 

My girlfriend and I were at the grocery store late last night. An elderly lady was working the cash register. I realized as I watched her work that she likely didn’t want to be working at 11pm on a Tuesday night. It’s highly unlikely that she finds the job that fulfilling. I would guess she would do just about anything if she didn’t have to be there.

This woman is one of thousands of elderly people who were unable to save enough money for retirement, and who are now working insane jobs and hours just to make ends meet. 

The thing about poverty is that it is not just children in Africa who are affected by it. We encounter it every single day. Unlike what the media has to say about it, the homeless are not the only ones struggling with poverty. People all over the country are piled in debt. Families are struggling to feed their families. Children are showing up to school in old hand-me-down clothes.

Many people today have pointed to new organizations that are doing great things to help curb poverty in our world. While many of these organizations are innovative and doing amazing things, there is one organization that should and could be doing a lot better. The church has existed for over 2000 years. Literally billions of people have professed to believe in the message of Jesus. It makes me wonder, then, with all of the money and resources and talent that the church encompasses, how is it possible that poverty even exists?

When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left. Then the King will say to those on his right, “Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation.

And here’s why: I was hungry and you fed me, 

I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,  I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit,  I was in prison and you came to me.”

Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, “Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?” Then the King will say, “I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.” I know I don’t do this. I know I don’t love the least. I don’t have any answers how to make this better. 

Do you?

 

※ Permalink for “The Least of These” published on date_to_rfc822

Last month I started attending Connections Community Church in London, Ontario. Starting in September, I made a decision to simply go and absorb for 3 full months. I missed one week where things were going rough in life, but otherwise I’ve been able to keep up with my decision, and even had my girlfriend attend with me the past two weeks.

I am the type of person who likes to dive right in. I love to get involved, to see whatever organization I am involved with flourish, grow, and thrive. I want the chance to innovate, to lead a group or groups of people to think strategically and creatively about how we do church, both on Sunday mornings and through the week.

As I’ve had the chance to see how things are going at Connections, I have seen several places where the talents and gifts that I have would truly fit well with their mission. I would love to get involved with their service programming, helping to develop services that drive their bottom line. I would love to get involved in the music, which so far has been fairly consistent and has been quite well done. I would love to push boundaries and innovate, to create space where people can ask tough questions and get real, authentic responses, to give them a chance to encounter God in a real way.

Alas, it has only been a month. My commitment to myself and to God was to simply absorb for 3 full months, which will take me to December 3. On December 4, watch out.

※ Permalink for “Connections Church - One Month In” published on date_to_rfc822

There’s a lot of talk about child themes these days. As the designer of two child themes for the Thematic theme framework, I have fallen in love with the power and simplicity of using child themes to create something fresh and new. As a young designer and programmer, sometimes developing a WordPress theme from scratch can be a daunting task. If I’m interested in experimenting with design while not having to worry too much about code, a child theme is the perfect option. 

However, there are some drawbacks to child themes which hinder public acceptance and experimentation. I want to outline a few drawbacks I’ve experienced working with Thematic.

1. You cannot submit child themes to the theme directory. Unfortunately at this time WordPress.org is not accepting Child Themes to the theme directory. It's a shame, because if Child Themes were more widely accepted, they would be perfect for use in WordPress.com sites as well (WordPress.com could provide the theme framework, designers could offer their child themes).
2. There are limits to what you can do in functions.php. Want to add or remove a widget area from your child theme? At the moment this is impossible. The theme framework you choose determines how many widget areas you can have and where they are located. It is impossible to override this. There are other functions that you cannot override as well—how comment areas are arranged, adding additional classes to widget areas, etc—that I'm sure will come to the light soon as more designers begin working with child themes. 
3. Where do you go for support? On numerous occasions I have had people emailing me about a problem they are having with one of my child themes. Unfortunately, because there are two themes at work (theme framework + child theme), nailing down the problem is a lot tougher. Also, for many non-tech savvy people, the process of downloading and installing two themes to get one theme for their blog is not the easiest task to process. 

These are the main issues I’ve experienced while designing themes for Thematic. I want to make clear that none of these issues are due to the work that Ian has done with Thematic. It is still an incredibly powerful theme framework. These are simply issues that I think need to be thought through as the WordPress community begins to adopt child themes.

What are your thoughts on these issues? Have you experienced any other issues while working with Child Themes? Let us know!

※ Permalink for “The Problem With Child Themes” published on date_to_rfc822

Day two into my “comeback” with God, and already I’m having ideas float into my head. Some of them are small, such as how I can get more involved at Connections, how to start serving those in need, etc. Others are much more complex, daring, scary. One involves an idea I’ve never really had before, and scares the crap out of me.

This idea is to plant a church.

In a fleeting moment yesterday, I had an enormous amount of ideas flow through my mind. Dreams, visions, ideas. One of the ideas was to one day plant a church. I don’t know where this idea came from, as last week I wasn’t even talking to God. And yet, here was this idea, burned on my mind. Now, the idea came with a bit of wisdom; I know that I am not yet in a place in my relationship with God, nor am I of the leadership capacity yet to even embark on something as crazy as this idea. However, it seemed like God was saying “look, just get in with me, get into what I’m doing in the world, and this is where I’m taking you.” I’ve honestly never had an experience like it before.

Again, obviously I am not ready to even begin that journey yet. I still want to get into community at Connections, to grow in my faith again, to develop as a leader and communicator. I don’t dare to suggest that I’m in any way ready to take on such a responsibility yet. And, for all I know this is just a stupid, crazy idea I came up with on my own. I honestly don’t know. I just thought I’d share this crazy idea that I have and possibly gather some feedback. What do you think?

※ Permalink for “No Need to Rush” published on date_to_rfc822

For anyone who hasn’t been following along, I just want to give a quick recap to hopefully explain what my last few posts about going to church have been about. 

I became a Christian back in the summer of 2000. It was at a camp. After I made the decision to give my life to Christ (at 15 years old) I started getting involved at a church that friends of mine attended. Most of them attended with their families and had done so their entire lives. As I joined the party late I believed I had a lot of catching up to do. So, I read, studied, and absorbed as much as possible. A lot of what I learned was good, wholesome stuff. However, I also found myself slipping into what I’ll call the holy sub-culture. You know them as the “Bible-thumpers,” the Religious Right, or the Conservative Evangelicals. It is this sub-culture that was so cleverly portrayed by the movie Saved. 

I really grew to love the church, not just for the community that it brought and the growth that it caused in me, but also because of its mission: to be a representation of Jesus to the world. I loved the church, collectively, was the vehicle that God chose to show the world he loved it. 

Fast-forward a few years and I found myself working at a church, whose mission aligned so perfectly with what I saw as the vision of the global or Catholic Church (Catholic in this sense is defined as Universal, and encompasses the entire church, Roman Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox, Invisible, etc). While working there, I got to work with incredible leaders here, learn from incredible leaders abroad, and really feel a part of a true “Catholic” Church.

As I left the church I was working and shortly afterwards the church in general, I began a weaning process. In the process of following the mission and vision of the church, I had also become addicted to the sub-culture. I had become comfortable with the language, with the expectations, with the traditions (yes, even “non-traditional” churches have their traditions), with the safety that the church brings.

In my mind, these comforts are not what Jesus had in mind when he instructed the disciples. He didn’t imagine multi-million dollar buildings. He didn’t envision celebrity pastors and rockstar worship leaders. He didn’t see Christian bookstores and a Christian music industry. He didn’t see Christian conferences, Christian retreats, Christian cruise ships. These weren’t part of his vision of the church. They are part of our vision for the church. 

I’m not necessarily saying that our vision of the church is wrong. I’m not even trying to say we missed the point. Jesus gave us the authority to be the church, to really take ownership of it, to make of it what we wanted. He didn’t give us the floor plans, he just gave us a seed. What I am saying is that unfortunately, many people have fallen in love with our vision of church, with its grandeur and comfortability. I’m one of those people. 

That is why I hesitate about tomorrow. I fear that my love will be with my/our vision of the church, rather than for Jesus’ vision of the church. I worry that my passion will be for the comfort, the flashiness, the grandeur rather than for the vision of serving the poor, for housing the homeless, for being a light. I guess I fear that I’ll just fall back into old, comfortable patterns.

※ Permalink for “Why I Hesitate” published on date_to_rfc822