I was out for coffee last night with my amazing girlfriend, and we were talking about life and things we’re both passionate about. One of the things I told her that I’ve never really told anyone before is that I never stop thinking. Honestly. All day, everyday, I am thinking about something. I am thinking about how to make the company I work for successful, how to make my own company get started, what ways I can get involved in church, what passage I just read that morning and how it applies to my life, ideas for preaching series (yes, I have about 4-5 ideas if any pastors are looking), things my girlfriend and I can do, the goals and dreams I have for my life and our lives, what the best strategies are for church management and execution, whether or not I should go to school, what I would like to write a book about… and the list goes on and on.
One of the reasons I shy away from writing in my journal and my blog is because quite honestly, my fear is that I won’t know when or how to stop. Sometimes I am so captured by a thought that I need to explore every possible angle, every path, every choice. Other times it’s a matter of critiquing: what could I have done better? How could that church service been communicated better? How could that design better get across the message it’s trying to convey?
All this thinking causes me to cease up and not do anything about any of it.
I rarely watch television, but when I do my girlfriend and my parents both say that I tune right out of everything else going on in the room. I turn myself off. It’s a relief to not have to think anymore. Sara also walked through a new diet plan with me yesterday based on the fact that I spend so much time thinking (apparently I eat too many carbs and no where near enough fat; your brain needs healthy fats to function). So now I’m at a coffee pub eating an egg bagel because I need the fat from the eggs.
Does anyone else have this? I don’t want to call it a problem, because it feels more like a gift or a skill that when harnessed could really do some amazing things. I just wish I had somewhere to focus it all.