This week I made and followed through on one of the toughest decisions I’ve made in a while. I’m actually very proud of the decision I made, even though it wasn’t fun to make it.
Those who know me know I have a passion for being creative. I am constantly thinking, dreaming, envisioning ideas. Last year, I worked at a church where my job was to make a creative team’s ideas become reality. It was an awesome experience, and one that I hope to have again.
That chance came up this month.
Over the past few months, I have been attending two churches. Connections Community Church is a theatre church in the North end of London, and is very similar to the church I worked at last year (even the name!). Presence is a small, “emergent” community that meets at the London Arts Centre in downtown London. I’ve been going back and forth about which church I would finally plant myself in and become involved with.
Over the course of some discussions, the possibility of taking some leadership at Connections came up. I was very, very interested in the idea, as it fit perfectly with what I would love to do for a living (it was a volunteer position). With my experience in service program design, I would help Connections move forward with its service flow and creative elements. The opportunity is everything I am looking for. On Monday, I emailed George, the pastor, and turned the opportunity down. I made the decision to attend Presence instead of Connections.
It was an incredibly hard decision to make. Connections is an awesome, young, vibrant church with a huge potential to make a great impact on this city. George is an amazing leader who I would benefit from serving under, and the opportunity, as I said, was perfect for me. However, right now the timing just isn’t right.
I feel like I’m just starting to get back on my feet with my relationship with God. I know that if I jump into a leadership role such as this one, it will hurt more than help that relationship. It’s fragile right now. It just can’t take the pressure.
For the foreseeable future, I will be attending Presence on Sunday mornings. James is a fantastic teacher whose thoughts have stretched my mind and have met me where I’m at spiritually right now. I’ve offered to help out with music, but don’t want to take over the whole thing. I just want to absorb for right now. Sometimes you need to be still to let your roots grow.
So, that’s where I am at. I still hope for the absolute best for George and the people at Connections. I plan to visit occasionally, and maybe one day in the future I will end up there. I just don’t want to risk their success or my spiritual walk on my fragility right now.
Some things are just worth waiting for.