right now i’m looking for a new church. i went to harvest bible chapel which is held at oakridge secondary school. it turns out that it’s actually the old southwest community church with a new name, which i thought was cool. i’m not 100% sold on it, obviously after only one visit. i guess i’m just hesitant because of some of the things the pastor talked about. he was very condemning of a lot of other churches, which whether he’s right or not is irrellevent. our goal should be to uplift, not knock down. yeah, it’s easy to say, but maybe that’s the problem. a lot of things that are easy to say are hard to do.

tonight i talked with an old friend about his church. he is a creative arts pastor at new hope community church just outside london (very close to where I live). he told me he’d love to see me come along with the worship team, however i’d have to attend the church for 3 months before i could join the team. that is not a problem for me, as i agree that there needs to be some sort of commitment to the church before there’s a commitment to ministering there. but, i’m excited because i’m finally going to be able to use my gifts again, something i’ve missed since i left stoney creek baptist to follow my ‘dream’ of being a ‘rock star.’

this last week i’ve been reminded of something that corrie kessler said to me over a year ago. she said if i don’t use the gifts God’s given me, he’s going to take them away. i struggled for a long time with the worship leader/rockstar thing, and she gave me the best direction i could’ve asked for. however, because i’m hard-headed and stubborn, i managed to ignore her advice and followed my stupid dreams instead. well, that came back to bite me hard. and over the last few months i’ve been paying the price.

tonight, i wrote a chorus line for the first worship song i’ve written in probably a year. it’s nothing amazing, or special, but it’s true.

“i don’t know what i’d do without you in my life.”

i don’t know what i’d do with God. it sounds so corny, and i’ve fought it probably harder than most, but somehow i can’t escape him. wait a second…i think there’s a story about this in the bible…

God, please use me for your purpose. Whatever your plan, wherever you plan to take me, please take me. All of me. Amen.