One of the passions that has continued to grow inside of me over the last 12 months has been a passion to lead worship through music. One of the struggles I’ve faced, though, is trying to remember that my identity isn’t found in being a worship leader. It’s found in being a worshiper. One of the easiest traps for anyone who works or serves in their local church to fall into is the trap of confusing our identity in Christ with what we do for Christ. I know that this has been one that I have fallen into, and still find myself struggling with even though I don’t work at a church anymore.
As weird as it may sound, one of the things I plan on doing over the next 2-3 months is “nothing.” My plan is to find a local church in London that I can be fired up about, and then simply do nothing. I’m not going to try to join any teams, or offer to lead worship, or do anything like that. What I plan to do is start focusing on relationships within my new church. I don’t want to be known as “Pat the worship leader.” I want to be known as “Pat.” I won’t disguise my passion for leading worship, or music, or anything like that, but I don’t want it to be the focus. I want to grow my relationship with Jesus, to really lean into him and find out who he is creating me to be.
This month I turn 23, and even though I am someone who likes to make as little noise as possible about my birthday, I do like to use it as a marker in my personal growth. This year I want to become more like Jesus, and to love him more. I want to love people, not for what they can do for me or my ministry, but because Jesus is for them. I want to open up more, to be more transparent and authentic. I want to admit both my failures and my successes, my wins and my losses. I want to live in community, and invite others into the community.
So, I will not be leading worship for a while, but not because I don’t want to, or because I don’t believe that’s what God wants me to do, but because I want to know the God I am worshiping more, before I can lead others to know him too.
I don’t know what this year will hold, but I am excited still. The last month has not been much fun, but God has been faithful. And I cannot ask for more.