I just finished cleaning my room today. It’s taken me about a week and a half. I know, that sounds like a long time, but I pretty much re-arranged the whole thing, took 4 big boxes of stuff down to the basement, re-organized, and pretty much just made myself a whole little apartment. I like the idea of rearranging, because it’s not that I’m going out and buying anything new to put in my room, I’m just taking what I have and making it work best to my situation.
I think that’s kind of how it is with us. I mean, I don’t have anything special about me. I don’t have a special talent, or a gift, or anything like that. I just have me. Sometimes I have to rearrange who I am to meet the needs of a situation, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But that’s the beauty of life; we’re given lots of trial-and-error.
I’ve been struggling with grace, again. It’s the one thing that is keeping me from God, I think. That and my stubborness. But, I have a hard time understanding how someone could love me. At all, really. The weird thing is, the reason changes every day. Sometimes I am prideful, feeling that I am above grace; above charity. Other times I feel I’m so far fallen that no cross could pick me back up. I already know the christian answer to this, so please save it.
I am kind of tired of asking questions, but somehow I think that’s all I’ll ever have. I don’t really expect to arrive anywhere in this life anymore. I guess I’m constantly travelling.