i’m in my apartment. it’s been four straight days now, and i love it. the freedom, the independence, the sense of ownership over my own life. i come and go as i choose. i cook my own food. i have had friends over, knowing that i don’t have to hide in the basement to avoid interuptions from siblings. it’s been so great, and really refreshing.

i went to work at starbucks for the first time in almost a month. it was really weird walking in, seeing people working i had never met before. but, i guess that’s what happens when you’re gone; you miss things.

it’s weird not being at camp anymore, knowing i won’t ever be going back as a counsellor. to literally hundreds of kids, that was my identity. to dozens of fellow leaders, it was the friend they knew every summer. to me, i knew that i could be me at camp. i could ask tough questions not because i thought anyone had an exact answer, but because collectively we could at least put words to some of the thoughts i struggle with in my head.

i’ve realized lately that i’m tired of settling for the mundane. in every aspect of my life in the past, i’ve allowed mediocrity to be the standard. i’m not going to let that happen anymore. in my work, my business, i’m going to put in all the energy i can. in my music, i won’t settle for ok. i will write and write until i write a few great songs, and when i go to the studio soon to record them, i will expect that the end result will be amazing. in my future relationships with a girl, i will not accept just waiting around for something to happen. i will make things happen. i will be the catylist.

i will be the catylist. i like that.